I have been informed that I will be utilized as comic relief. For anyone who has seen me play poker, this shouldn't be difficult.

Although I've tasted moderate success at the Vegas Poker Tables (that's right, I'm a 1/3 Poker Pussy), I've cleaned up at the very sporadic home game (13 year olds on Allowance Mondays are a very lucrative target), and I just missed the money when I bubbled out in the Brad-O-Ween tourney, there has always been this ever quiet whispering (albeit, isn't all whispering generally quiet??) about my skillz.

That's right! I said skillz with a "z".

I've won a handful of online tournaments and when I say handful, I'm referring to a somewhat small hand. Maybe the size of a child midget's palm.

The knock on me is that I don't play enough. That some how you have to spend countless hours in front of your computer surfing porn while you wait for anything better than 10/9 off to go all in with your remaining 100 chips to consider yourself experienced.

The other knock on me is that I don't study the game enough. That some how you have to DVR every episode of any poker related show and watch every poker movie ever made often enough to quote even the most obscure lines.

"Hate don't belong in a card game, but old man, I'm gonna take every grain of gold you have in front of you." Anyone??? Anyone?? Buehler?

http://imdb.com/title/tt0066050/

The fact is, some people just got it. Lebron James didn't need to go to college before becomming one of the most dominate players in the NBA. Happy Gilmore won the first PGA major he entered and he was a hockey player. The list goes on and on, but I won't bore you with examples, you get the picture.

Skill is gained from experience, from knowledge. Skillz come from a higher power.

So the next time my wife lets me spend $50 bucks to juice up my online poker account, I'm ready to put on a show.

In the meantime, I'm thrilled to be a permanent addition to the UpForPoker family.

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After quite a few disappointments, particularly during the WPBT events [ED NOTE: Pauly sucked out on my brother when his Presto beat Lefty's pocket Tens.], I decided to "hang'em up" for a bit.

As a regular reader of this blog, I've enjoyed reading the success stories of my fellow bloggers [ED NOTE: He must be writing about Otis and GRob.], but deep down inside (and I'm not afraid to admit it) I resented it.

I asked the age old question, "Why not me?".

Okay, hold on... I don't want to get ahead of myself. So as not to wrongly encourage anyone to quickly scroll down through the backstory to see the end result of my late night tourney, I will tell you now, the end result is far from as grand as some of the current post's outcomes.

Last nght, I got my first glimpse of the answer to that very question.

It started at about 12am when I was looking to get my the-night-before-my-day-off poker fix. I checked Poker Stars and couldn't find a freeroll (yep... that's what I've been reduced to...) but came up empty. On a whim, I checked over at UB, only to find a mysterious $15 in my account.

MY EYES LIT UP!

I quickly immersed myself into a $5, 6 person SNG. I cut down 2 of my opponents in the first 20 minutes with rockets and cowboys... I could already see this would be a good night. It only took 34 minutes to reach heads up. I battled back and forth for the next 20 minutes as my opponent and I unwillingly handed each other the chip lead flop after flop. The end came when I went all in with J/9 suited and he called with A/8 suited. The flop opened a straight draw and I filled it on the river.... TAKEDOWN. 27 bucks into my account.

Following my predictable pattern of poker self-destruction, I quickly looked for another way to lose that money back. There was a $5, $1k guarantee tourney filling up, so I registered.

I hung around, mostly playing Yahoo Canasta (too bad I can't win money on that!), waiting for the start... finally, it came.

The first few hours are pretty much a blur. I played fairly tight, chasing only a few of my standard chase hands: The Hammer, of course, Smokey and the Bandit (10/4 suited), and Dolly Parton (9/5 suited).

*Please don't ask me why...*

What I do remember, is knocking out the 21st player, thrusting all of us remaining into the money.

A few uneventful hands transpired, until my A/J suited both paired on the flop, resulting in the removal of the 11th place player, sending my fellow tablemates to the FINAL TABLE.

At this point, I felt invincible. I was catching the cards, getting the great starting hands, muscling the fish out [ED NOTE: Lefty has been known to be a little fishy himself]. A few close hands were solidified by 5th street, until there were only 2. I had an 80k chip lead and the confidence I only felt sitting at a table where I could stare into my opponents eyes.

It came down to one hand. We working our way back to about even... here it is...

My hand: 10/J suited
His hand: A/9 suited

Flop: 10d/Qc/4s

4th Street: 10s

River: Kh

Trip 10's takes him down... my payout: $270. Not too shabby.

Needless to say, I've rediscovered the itch. So if anyone's looking for me, I'll be on UB, trying to give it back [ED NOTE: I would encourage everyone to reload in UB and look for Lefty! Oh, and congrats, my brother!!]

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