Admittedly, I've been rather quiet the past couple of months.
There's a reason for that and it stands to change the subject of much of my writing here at Up For Poker.
Because what's happening is more of a personal nature, I've made the announcement at Rapid Eye Reality.
Suffice it to say, if there is another Eh-Vegas celebration next year, I'm probably in.
Bad news for all you good people who come here for good writing (Otis) or "I love my fiance/wife" paragraphs (Luckbox), everyone else is drifting away. I don't blame the Luckbox as he's just gotten married and he's now moving to a new job in a new state.
Also, I don't think he plays much poker.
Otis, on the other hand, is crippled again by self-loathing and alcoholism. He still posts over at his other blog. The good news is that many of his recent posts are on my new favorite activity: Watching Barack Obama give a speech.
That guy is really, really, good.
Plus, Otis and I are both very busy exchanging IMs like nervous 13 year old girls 2 weeks before the big school dance. Langeradois 3 weeks away! Besides, I feel a little dirty when he uses this space to give Absinthe another bi-coastal hand-job.More in this Poker Blog! -->
DON'T GET ALL SMUG THOUGH... BECAUSE THIS IS STILL A COMPETITIVE POKER BLOG
It's like Kentucky basketball, we got worse but it's OK because so did the rest of our conference.
To wit, a summary of my fellow bloggers this 2008:
1. I get sick to my stomach
2. I feel my children are above-average
3. I am still sick
4. I still have a variety of luck which sometimes alters the expected results of a poker hand.
5. I threw up recently.
Badblood is a great read for gastroenterologists. He also goes to the gym and lifts weights. This blog don't post much but, good God, at least we aren't puking!
Iggy copied and pasted Otis' latest obsession. On first blink I don't much mind as, again, I find Obama facinating too. But with the change in focus, isn't there a Brandi Hawbaker story that isn't getting told?
Plus, it's been some time since I made a deposit on Party Poker
"Party Poker Bonus Code IGGY for a $100 online poker deposit bonus!"
The above was, in fact, copied and pasted!
If Al ever drinks himself to death in a grotesque "Leaving Las Vegas" fashion, I'm prepared to step in right away. Here's my first post:
MY WEEKEND FACED UNEXPECTED CHALLENGES
"I was prepared to have a nice bacon sandwich and watch a mindless soccer match when my plans fell apart. The weather forecast called for a mild wind from the NW but it was gusting far stronger than that and it was clearly blowing from the SOUTH. ASSHOLE WEATHER PEOPLE!!!
I went to a local bar and had many drinks of alcohol. We had an entertaining time.
I played in an online poker tournament.
Waffles is stupid!
Here are some boobie pics..."
Here's what I don't get, why would you have the online name "Boy Genius" and then NOT allow people to call you "Boy Genius" or by the initials "BG"?
What's the deal?
I don't stop people from calling me "HANDSOMEMWM33"
On the bright side, not-BG was the first person I know who posted that you tube video of Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon, so at least he's trying.
"20:59 Mmmm homemade cookies and organic milk #" is not a blog post.
The same goes for you Chilly.
I work in super-mega-famousland and have encountered ACTUAL stalkers. I'm not sure why you folks WANT a stalker so badly but if all this twitter update stuff has taught me anything it's that I never want to stalk anyone.
Most people do a lot of really boring stuff most of the time.
Perhaps most important about this blog and, admittedly, those above is that they still exist. Here's a quick list of the blogs in our blogroll that have gone to hell in a handbasket. If CJ still worked here he'd clean them out!
And so on and so on and so on
Still love y'all. I have the flu. Forgive me my trespasses.
As they say:
"The trolls. they will always be with us." - Iggy (Copied and Pasted from non-BG)<-- Hide More
Imagine my surprise when my mother called to mock my singing in the Billy Joel singalong posted below. I tried to post a suitably embarrasing clip of Otis dancing with his wife and it got all switcherooed into my mother noting that "you seemed pretty hammered there."
I got back from CJ's wedding on Sunday afternoon but didn't feel better until Thursday. I had that moment at the reception, about 4 martinis in, when I looked at the random grey hairs on my already buzzing head and thought "I'm getting to old to act like this".
That said, here's what happened...More in this Poker Blog! -->
Thursday January 24th
I promised BadBlood I'd pick him up at 8:30. It's no small point of pride that I got there at EXACLY that time. We made it to Hartsfield-Jackson in plenty of time. I parked in row 23B (which will become crucially important in a few days) and we met Uncle Ted at "Chilis Too" for some late morning beer. Then we boarded a flight for New Orleans.
Aside: I'm 6 foot 5 and about 280 pounds. There are no airline seats that accomodate a man this size. What the hell? I understand your average airline is trying to pack as many douchebags in coach as they possibly can but I think we've crossed the threshold of "possible." I don't fit. I'm now well aware of something called "Deep vein thrombosis." I don't want that. It killed David Bloom.
Reason number 1,546 that it's always easier to travel with Uncle Ted: We caught a shuttle to the Avis lot where some miserable guy in a rain jacket was standing beside the open trunk of our Pontiac. Evidently, Ted is some super 9-Star Gold Travel Avis guy. It kinda kicked ass. It saved 6 minutes on the trip to Harrah's in New Orleans.
Once at Harrah's I got a seat at the $1/$2NL table. Badblood, CJ, and Otis were at tables nearby but I was alone with the locals. Normally this means a table full of angry rocks... but this one was different. It was loose. Extremely loose. I had a field day. I doubled up in 20 minutes. Doubled again inside an hour and had turned $200 into $1400 in 150 minutes. Easy Peezy. I stood up because Uncle Ted looked bored and because I took a massive 3-outer beat that cut my profits in half.
I just wanted to have fun.
So we went to play blackjack... Uncle Ted, BG, Mrs. Otis and me. Mrs Otis just stood by and had beer while I bought $300 in red chips and my friends did about the same. I stood on 14 against a 9. I split 10s against an 8. I cashed out for about $1350. Both of my friends had a massive good time.
I should add. I also got extremely drunk.
So we went to dinner at Dickie Somethingorothers. I had a 12 oz. filet, medium-rare, with another half-dozen martinis. You know, it now occurs to me that I may have a mild drinking problem. But that's neither here nor there. Dinner was great.
Most of the rest of that night is a very silly blur. Let me recap it thusly:
11:00 - 2:00AM We went to the Tropical Isle and drank hand grenades. During that time some cover band played Heart songs while we spent $40 in quarters on the following.... Test your grip game (Otis, BadBlood and I tied. We are all SUPER MANLY), Love meter game (Otis, evidently, is a red hot lover and I'm a cold fish), Test your Memory game, (I did very well. Otis scored a 3), Measure your Urine game (There's an actual honest-to-god measure your urine game in the bathroom. CJ's brother Lefty claims to have Pee'd 22 oz. I'm impressed.), and most importantly the compare 2 pictures and find 5 differences game. We spent a LOT on that.
2:00AM to 5:00AM This time is lost to history. While looking back I'm now convinced that nothing at all happened. This is probably for the best.
5:00AM to 7ishAM Uncle Ted, Otis and I played "High-Roller" Pai Gow back at Harrah's. It's sad that in downtown New Orleans a minumum bet of $25 per hand is what passes for "High Roller". Naturally anyone who has played Pai Gow with Otis or me knows quite well that our minimum bet at that game is several times higher.
Then at 7 AM Uncle Ted and I dropped Otis off at his hotel and made our way back to the suite we were sharing with Lefty, CJ, BG, and Badblood. Naturally all the others were fast asleep when we got back. BadBlood was passed out on the foldout bed and the door to the bedroom was closed. Ted grabbed some cushions for a bed on the floor while I went to the front desk looking for pillows.
They were out of pillows.
I shit you not.
The hotel was OUT OF PILLOWS.
I did not sleep that night. I did wake up early and watch the replay of the GOP debate the night before. Which leads me to this segue :
Friday January 25th
So at 11AM we were showered and ready for a drive. CJ and Lefty left first thing. Hell if I know where they went. BG, Ted, Badblood and I walked from the Bourbon Street hotel to the Harrah's garage for our car. I wore a short sleeve shirt because "How cold can New Orleans be?". It was very cold.
Here's my facorite part of that walk. We passed a homeless guy on a street corner with a lawn chair and and one of those bullhorns. BG asked "Is that like, being a homeless blogger?"
We spent the rest of the morning composing fake Otis twitter updates like, "Wagon wheels are detached. Eyeballs enclosed in glass." Really? He's a clever writer, but what the hell does that twitter stuff MEAN?
We drove from New Orleans to Lafayette in an apocalyptic rain stopping only for a mean at Denny's. I had the Lumberjack Slam.
We check into the Marriot and watch "Hardball" upstairs. Rehersal went well and rehersal dinner after that. I went to bed early that night.
Saturday January 26th
9AM I try to find the well-named "Tuxedo Shop" to get an entirely new outfit. The one I was given by CJ was incredbly small. I, on the other hand, am incredibly large. Most streets were closed for parade routes. Marti Gras and whatnot. It was difficult.
10:45AM Uncle Ted returns to the room from helping Mrs. Otis set up the reception hall
11:30AM We drive over to St. Mary's church for pictures and whatnot.
12:00pM Pictures. I looked awesome.
12:45pM We wager over who will end up tipping the bartender at the reception $100. I, again, lose $100.
1:00PM CJ gets married. Me, Otis, Uncle Ted, and Lefty also wear tuxedos.
2:00PM The reception doesn't start until 3 but we're already there. I intend to go ahead and get drunk and do exactly that.
3:00-8:00PM Wackiness ensues. We drink lots of tequilla while yelling "Familia!"
8:00-Midnight We go to a bar near the hotel called the "Pretty Pig" or the "Sweet Sow" or the "Purple Porker" or some kind of alliterative pig thing.
Midnight-3AM The bartender is closing the pig bar and says she and her friend always go to another bar across town. Otis and I ride with the bartender while Badblood, Ted, and BG ride with the "friend". I convince bartender that Otis is the son of the man who first turned the Nugat legume into a candy product. Otis fakes disgust that I'm implying that the only reason he's sucessful in the nugat game is because of his father.
Let me clarify. Otis is NOTHING in the nugat game without his father.
3AM We try to decide how to get from the rural hevay metal biker bar to the hotel. Eventually Ted realizes that the "friend" he rode over with is lesbian...and he feels he has some sort of homosexual connection. He cons her into giving all of us a ride back to the hotel.<-- Hide More