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Poker Blog established in 2003 as the first stop for poker news, poker stories, and bad poker advice.

March 31, 2004

Theatre of the Absurd

by Otis


I'm crazy. Hear that, pops? I'm a damned loon. Watch these cards I'm about to play. I'm wacked. My noodle is cramped. I'm a three year-old with a temper and a handful of reds. I'm a smart player's worst nightmare. I'll river you before the flop hits the felt.

Fish, you say?

How could a fish carry all these chips, sir?

See, I'm crazy. Crazy like a fish. A clown fish, see. Now scoot your fish-eating butt over and deal the cards.

I've developed a problem that's been profitable in the short term. In the long run, if I had entered and won Jeremy's Poker Tracker give-away, I'm sure I'd see the expectation turn way negative.

I play the first and last hand of every session, at least to the turn.

Why? Well, of course, because I'm a damned idiot. Two-six off? Cap it, I say.

Actually, it began when I started to realize I was playing with many of the same players I saw every night. After a few weeks, they had good notes on me, and people had stopped paying me off. I hate not getting paid off.

My bank-roll that I built to $939 from $20 was stagnant.

One night a week and a half ago I posted my first hand on the button. Three-eight spades. It was raised twice before it got to me. I called the raises, flopped a flush draw, made it on the turn, and capped the river bets for a big ol' pot against high pairs.

I'm crazy, see.

The calls of a "river rat" scrolled across the chat bar. I checked all my notes to see who they were talking about before realizing they were talking about me.

Indeed, players, I'm a river rat.

This is no new strategy. The big guys change gears and play ultra-loose all the time. It's not me, though. I like my bets and raises to be respected. Still, I like to get paid off.

I'm such a "cake and eat it, too" chump.

Eventually, my opponents realized that their notes were right about me. I play premium hands aggressively. When in doubt, on a draw, etc....fold.

Which is why I started finishing every session with the same play. I drew four cards to a 2-6o to make a gutshot straight on the river with my 6. 'Night, folks. See you tomorrow.

While this has been a little fun, it's also been a little embarassing. And frankly, my bankroll is still stagnant. I'm still in the low $900s since my last report.

I fear I'm afflicted with the boredom of discipline. I fear I'm on the cusp of disaster. I'm in no position to move up to a $5-$10 game, but that's what my inner child wants. Baby wants big pots, baby.

Until then, I'll be the disciplined player, bookended with craziness on the first and last hands.

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