I'm sure you've all been wondering, "Where is The Luckbox?!?"
Okay, perhaps that's an exaggeration. After all, I lack the self-deprecating wit of G-Rob and the unsurpassed literary flair of Otis. I'm just The Luckbox.
And, frankly, I haven't been much of a Luckbox at the tables recently. And it's all because of my new home game. You'll never guess who I'm losing to now!
He's the big stack. At just over four months old, he's picked up the game rather quickly. He plays a lot like your online newcomers. He can't fold to save his life and wouldn't recognize a squeeze play if it was spelled out in dog treats.
But the cards have been right. And, really, sometimes that's all it takes. I flop a set and he rivers a straight. I turn the straight and he rivers the flush. I river the flush but his two pair becomes a boat. I just can't beat him.
Not to mention he's about as easy to read as a wikipedia entry on quantum mechanics. Really, those puppy eyes don't change much... and if he's wagging his tail it might only be because he smells bacon.
She's got a few more year's experience at the poker table and she's putting it to good use. Her blunt style reminds me of G-Rob. I can't tell you the number of times I've laid down a good hand to her only to see her table the Hammer. She's a killer, really... it must be the Pit Bull blood in her.
The good news is that she's got a few tells. For instance, when she begins panting, it's time for her to go outside. That doesn't really help me win any more chips, but it sure beats the surprises we get from Cartoon.
Over time, I'm pretty sure I can beat her game. She's got some skills, but I've felted G-Rob enough times to know I can break down this style. Now I just need some cards to help do it!
Here's the problem. She doesn't really know how to play at this point. I suppose on occasion she'd actually lay down that gutshot straight draw if she knew how unlikely it was to hit. Then when it hits, I'm the one who gets to explain that she's beaten my two pair.
She also thinks it's fun to root for the dogs against me. Every time Cartoon wins a pot, she cheers and gives him a treat. You can imagine how quickly that can put someone on tilt.
Finally, we're still a few months away from the wedding, and it's in my best interest to stay away from my fiancee's bad side. After all, there are plenty of consequences... if you know what I mean.
She did, however, let me put together what's been dubbed "The Man Room," complete with my poker table, so I've got that going for me!
That leaves me, your hero... and the short stack at this table.
Things have to get better, right? I am the only one in this game to read Harrington on Hold 'Em. That's got to be good for something, right?
In reality, I just haven't had as much time to play poker these days. This whole getting married thing takes up a lot of time. Of course, I wouldn't trade it for those bachelor days, not for anything.
Last weekend, I took a shot at a couple of tourneys and ran into Aces every single time. I'm also still smarting from laying down those Kings at the Coushatta months ago. It's still stuck in my mind and I have to get rid of it.
After all... I've got a wedding to pay for!
And in case you were wondering... here's the board from the hand we were playing above:
Yeah... wrong time to play The Hammer.