Movie Critics Drawing Dead on Poker Analogies

by Luckbox

"But everyone gets dealt a stiff hand in this bust from director Robert Luketic," writes Boston Globe movie critic Ty Burr in a column titled, "Blackjack morality tale '21' doubles down on cynicism."

Bill Gibron of filmcritic.com writes, "This is one case where, no matter the bet, no one wins."

At USA Today, Claudia Puig comes right out of the box with, "21 does not offer audiences a winning hand."

And these people are getting paid to write?

It's almost as if these critics are frustrated gamblers or bad poker players. They are the ones you want to sit at your table despite their ability to parrot the popular poker phrases of the day.

For the mockumentary The Grand, Owen Gleiberman from EW.com can't help but write "raise the ante."

Lucky You was, apparently, a pretty bad movie. I missed that one despite Drew Barrymore asking me to see it (okay, it was a press conference, it wasn't like we were having lunch). But that didn't stop the critics!

Matt Stevens at EOnline tells us, "Director Curtis Hanson's long-delayed poker pic finally plays its hand, with Eric Bana as a Vegas gambler who has daddy issues and a crush on lounge-singer wannabe Drew Barrymore. Should you ante up? Nah, save your chips for a more exciting game."

Think he's done? Well, he also works in: "it's a bluff" and "feel card-sharked" and "low-stakes drama." Wow, a real wordsmith here.

EW.com's Lisa Schwarzbaum does Stevens one better, calling the movie a "no-stakes drama" while also wowing us with witty writings like, "Drew Barrymore, drawing the wrong hand when it comes to casting." She also tells us "the love story is a bluff."

She closes with, "Lucky you, I've run out of topical analogies for now, except for this: A decent movie just wasn't in the cards."

Guess what? You didn't run out of topical analogies soon enough. If people think the movie scripts are bad these days, they should spend 10 minutes reading the reviews. It'll make Lucky You seem like Casablanca.

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