Bonus Whore Wars Results

by Otis

Well, we had a number of good entries. The decision-making process has been very tough. If I could afford it, I'd make everyone a winner. But since I can't, I've actually decided to pay three places.

Did you make the cut?

Read on.

Third place goes to Iggy. He admitted he really didn't feel like trying to persuade me with a clever e-mail. However, he did make a heartfelt appeal (and I'd sort of been wanting to take a shot at Poker Stars anyway).

Second place goes to Matt, a reader from Texas, who wrote in the subject line of his entry, "You are my bonus bitch." That alone pushed him to the top of the pack for a while. Beyond that, he made a very good argument for playing at the World Poker Exchange. He really thinks I'll like it there and is taking a percentage of my rake as his bonus. And beyond that, he runs a cool company out in Texas that I think would be a fun way to make a living.

But, first place has to go to...JD (I'm not sure if he's a reader or fellow blogger). Regardless, he is the king of bonus whoring haikus. While Absolute Poker's refer-a-friend system is a little cumbersome, I'm granting JD the win for the following entry:

Please try Absolute
Their ring games are very soft
Say JD sent you*

Absolute tourneys
Blogger champ will dominate
Love the sit-n-gos

Absolute rewards
Bonuses come through snail mail
Reload bonanzas!

The next one is my favorite

Me likey bonus
Whoring contest great idea
Absolute Otis

Congratulations to the winners.

And if I kick this delayed hangover I'm suffering any time soon, I need to write up a report from a homegame I found myelf in on Friday night. Here's a preview:

I didn't peel my cards off the table again, preferring instead to eat her face with my eyes. Her cheeks pulled in as she drew in on the cigar. She pulled her cards off the felt one more time. I couldn't read her as well as I wanted. Her beauty put me on tilt the moment she'd climbed out of the H2-Hummer. When she lit the cigar and bathed the table in a sexual wash of smoke and casual good humor, I decided there was no way I could play the game of poker ever again.

I stared at her, watching her cheeks suck in and blow out. A firefighter sitting across the table said, "The boy could win a staring contest if he wanted, too."

I didn't respond. I just sat there and stared into her face while she looked up at me and said, "All in."

| Online Poker