Much has been written about the great annual G-Vegas festival. Few people understand the madness. As a 5 year veteran, I have certain perspective to offer. In fact, I've planned every aspect of this INCREDIBLE EVENT down to the minute. For now, I'll just brace you for Bradoween Eve...
It goes like this :
FRIDAY AUGUST 19TH
11 AM
Mr. & Mrs. Can't Hang arrive at GSP International. At this point both visitors will make their way from the gate to baggage claim. They'll be the first bloggers to discover the amazing ease of South Carolina travel.
Which carosel? That one!
Which?
Just eliminate all the empty space that does not contain a carosel, and that small area you find will have your bags front and center.
NOON
Otis, BadBlood, The Hangs, and I make our way to a favorite wing and beer joint. We used to frequent this place on "Working Women's Wednesday". Actually, I have no idea why that is. It's at this point that Al will make another important SC discovery.
All liquor served in bars or restaurants here comes in a mini-bottle. It's the stuff you find in hotel minibars or on the airplane service cart. Shots here are 1.75oz, which means those "double shots" of Southern Comfort will pack quite a punch.
2PM
Pauly and Derek join the party.
2:15PM
Pauly says to BadBlood, "My God, you've started already!"
BadBlood is forced to sit down to conteract the swirling floor.
Otis looks for a chair, and misses.
3:00PM
Eva Can't Hang is relieved by the arrival of another female blogger...midget housewife "Iggy" and his great uncle "Daddy". Iggy and Daddy are DRIVING to G-Vegas so you'd assume they'd be quite tired already. You'd be wrong. Both bloggers are SO excited to see the old blogger crew, they unveil the secret donkey they've smuggled in the trunk.
Daddy, as always, holds a clinic.
3:30PM
Over a string of Guiness/Car Bombs/Southern Comfort/Fruity Umbrella Crap(BadBlood) the group debates the value of a quick pre-tournament poker game. The discussion lasts over 3 hours.
4:00PM
Otis falls
7:00PM
The "G-Vegas is Doomed BadBlood Tournament for PLAY MONEY ONLY(all poker ever referenced on this site is ALWAYS play money unless in a state approved setting)" Begins
Players are :
1. BadBlood
2. Mrs_Blood
3. Axeman
4. Austin April
5. G-Rob
6. Dr. Jeff
7. Pauly
8. Derek
9. CJ
10. Lefty
11. Otis
12. AlCantHang
13. EvaCanHang
14. The Mark
15. Gamecock
16. DoubleAs
With several alternates including:
A1. ChefShep
A2. Wolverine
A3. BigPirate
A4. Daddy
A5. Iggy
7:19PM
G-Rob is out after trying a stone cold bluff on DoubleAs who later comments, "Felicia was right. You suck at poker."
This counts as another of DoubleAs great reads. I do, in fact, suck at poker.
7:23PM
The Mark busts out an shows everyone his souvenir citation. No other description of this will be provided here. You'll have to ask him.
7:25PM
Otis busts out, stands up, and falls.
9:57PM
The Axeman finishes second in the tournament after Pauly picks up an important tell. If the Axeman is IN the hand, he has the nuts. Pauly counters this by decribing the time he busted a hot movie star in a celbrity WSOP tourney. Axeman loses focus at the word "bust".
(AN ASIDE : Ever wonder why its the WS"O"P? Why does "OF" get a letter? Shouldn't it be TWSOP? That way the word "THE" doesn't get ripped off.)
10PM
BG arrives at GSP. He mocks the airport. This later privides enough content for an enitre BG pseudo-journalistic saga entitled "How I bought a Magazine at a Small Airport : The Woman Who Cut Line".
10:19PM
Entire contingent arrives in fabulous downtown G-Vegas. We begin the night at our favorite hole in the wall, THE BAIT SHACK. We love that bar because the beer is very cheap, and very few people there are likely to recognize us(me) during the drinking time when I still care about being recognized. Later, when I'm so intoxicated that I might actually do something embarrasing, I won't care who sees it.
10:39PM
Al decides to stage a daring rally after his inagural G-Vegas barf.
BG notes, "There was no Comfort in that SOCO"
This passes for humor because everyone there is drunk.
Otis, in fact, finds it so funny...he falls.
11:00PM
Time to get rollin'. Otis and I are quite proud of our tiny town and we're not letting anyone out with just one bar. Next up? Probably Tassey's, the G-Spot, or Connely's. We'll playit by ear. Probably Connely's just for that down home car bomb appeal. That bar is a few blocks away however, so it quite likely that about this time...
11:02PM
Otis falls.
11:06PM
Our first serious confrontation when BigPirate confuses Iggy for an unusually convenient bar stool. April observes, "You should get your head out of your ass and pay attention WES!"
The joke is on April, however, Wes has IGGY'S head in his ass.
11:07PM
Daddy wishes Maudie were here. Everyone agrees because Maudie is HOT!
11:12PM
Otis offers to buy the next round. 22 car bombs and 22 Guiness later...Otis owes over $300. Otis has a heart attack....and falls.
12:00PM
Things are silly now. Few, if any, of our blogger friends are able to form complete sentences. We've broken into dozens of small conversations in which no participant uses more than 3 words at a time.
12:15AM
Pauly apologizes in writing to all of Las Vegas for using the phrase "Redneck Riviera". Forty angy South Carolinians wearing rebel flag T-Shirts give him one last swirly for good measure.
12:16PM
Derek points out to the same group of thugs, "Before the South can rise again, you'll need to get that car off your lawn."
All of us howl in laughter at this incredibly witty remark which, I believe, is stolen from "The Onion".
2:00AM
Last call downtown and the party begins to fracture. There are those, of course, with plans to tour the upstates finest in "adult" entertainment. I'm going to bed. I have a tournament tomorrow.
SATURDAY AUGUST 20TH - BRADOWEEN DAY
That's another post folks...