Do I play to Lose?

by G-Rob

Perhaps the reason "you can't always get what you want" is that few, if any, of us have any idea what it is we're after. I had this Latin teacher back in high school who, so exasperated by my distractions, later chose to ignore me completely. But I'll always remember what she said to a student who responded to a question about what he wanted in life by saying, "I want to be happy".

"Happiness is not a goal," she said, "you HAVE goals and happiness does or does not happen along the way".

As much as I quarreled with that woman, I've never forgotten that.

So, do I play poker to win?

It is fair to say that in my current life, my poker nights are an anomaly. I'm a suburban dad, average in almost every respect, except height and hair. I have a wife and two kids, two cars and a two car garage. I have a steady job and a pretty regular schedule. I am, in a word, dull. Norman Rockwell would be bored. Ned Flanders thinks I'm a pussy. I told a pretty co-worker my age this morning and she said, "Jesus Christ..IS THAT ALL?"

At poker, on the other hand, I've been playing worse and worse. Hell, I can't catch a break. I've lost my last 3 online tournaments to flush draws. I lost at the Gaelic game last week because when I went in ahead I was outdrawn and when I went in drawing I missed. That's poker and the feeling is universal, but perhaps that's the...um..draw.

IS IT COINCIDENCE that as my professional status and my life at home are far better than a year ago, and my poker game has tanked at the same time? Last year I couldn't lose. There was, very briefly, talk of me ruining the underground market because my streak was so hot. Meanwhile, I was very unhappy at work and I spent painfully few moments at home.

Now I'm always home and back in the job I thought I wanted (though I'm learning I'm no more happy at work) and I can't play poker for shit.

Granted, I don't like losing and it seems so rediculous to even ask, but is it POSSIBLE that the losing is part of what I LIKE about the game?

I don't have a snappy answer. I just wonder at the possibility.

| G-Rob's Thoughts