For part one of our very silly tale, check out BadBlood on Poker.
I was already having a pretty good trip and had just added a fairly nice buzz. I'd done OK at the $500max NL game that afternoon, then busted in a tourney, then bought in for $1000 at the $2/$5NL table. The one good thing about Caesars, the players are just as bad but the buyins are bigger. It's good vibes all around.
I was up about $400 at that table when a very excited Otis sidled up to my left. You can tell when Otis is excited because his eyes go wide. Really wide. At the moment, I had a full 3d panorama of his entire eye sphere. Very good or very bad news coming...
THE NEWS
"Blood's table is getting silly," he mumbled in typical Otis understatement, "5 very drunk Norweigans just sat down with gigantic piles of money."
I was off in a shot to get a table change.
"I need to move to table 1," I said to the man with the mic. He was obviously perterbed by my request because, for the length of my sentance he was unable to hear the sound of his own voice.
"That game's only 1/2," he said.
"Yeah, I know, and I don't want to play 1/2 UNLESS it's AT THAT TABLE!" I yelled, not meaning to scream but too excited to care.
By then I'd already cased Blood's game.
TABLE 1
There was a short, almost childlike Norweigian in the 1 seat. He had long uncombed blonde hair and about $1000 in chips. He called every preflop raise but never raised. He saw every flop and hit almost none.
The 2 seat was a much larger man, who once quizzed me on the great cities of Norway. It slowed him down when I named the country's capital, but he was on fire again when he asked, "What's the largest industrial city?"
I guessed Manchester. The guy was apopleptic. On the bright side, he had about $850.
The 3 seat was a Norweigain so drunk he never said a word. He'd mumble occasionally. He kept showing his cards to the drunks on either side and then mucked in anger. I only saw him play 2 hands. He lost them both and lost $1000 in the process.
The 4 seat.
Oh GOD the 4 seat. He was about 6 feet tall and had tight curly hair. His chips, about $2000, weren't stacked but were in a pool of red and green. No matter who was in the pot, no matter his position, he raised. If someone had already raised, he pushed. I saw him push all in 4 times before I sat down. He kept it up later.
The 5 seat, Norweigian again, had just $500. He'd already paid off his countrymen on a few hands before I arrived.
The 6 seat was some sort of degenrate monkey who kept asking me for money. He didn't want to win it in a pot. He wanted to BORROW it. "I'm good for it," he said, "just ask anyone!"
I didn't ask.
The 7 seat was BadBlood. He had about $150
The 8 seat was some American type who couldn't seem to win. Even against these guys. It made me sad.
The 9 seat was a very friendly Chineese guy. During the night he gave me a full lesson in the rising ascendancy of the Chinese economy. I politely pretended to listen.
The 10 seat, thank God, was me.
THE GAME
When I sat down I was wearing sunglasses and an iPod. I kept it on during the bigger game because I was getting drunk and needed focus. The 4 seat immediately started in.
"Where are you from that you wear sunglasses inside," he screamed.
"I'm from Dover, Delaware," I answered, "I run a chartered deep sea fishing company."
"You go FISHING in DENVER!" he replied. "There are fucking MOUNTAINS in Denver! Take off those damn glasses."
"I think you're flirting with me, you want to see my eyes," I said.
"Every man has a price DENVER! I'll let you fist my ass for $500,000!"
"What if I take it to the elbow?"
"That's $500,003!"
Game on.
A FEW HANDS HERE AND THERE
From the beginning it was clear exactly what we were up against. A few people on our end, the reasonable end, of the table would limp into a pot and one of the Norweigians would bump it to $30.
Blind.
Then, the 4s would push all in.
Sometimes another Norweigian would call. Most times people folded. It was clear we'd see no flops.
So our end of the table made it explicitly clear. We'd stay out of each other's way and take the Nordic ATMs for everything they had.
On my third hand, I found pocket 6s.
I looked to the dealer, just to my left, and said, "If you flop a 6, I'll give you $10."
The Norweigians were first to act and I was only $30 when I came to me. I called.
The dealer flopped 6, 5, 9.
I gave hime $10, then pushed all in... for $1400.
(The casino let me bring my ENTIRE $1400 from the $2/$5 game to this one, despite the max buyin. It's because I was changing tables. It's unfair, but none of the reasonable players cared.)
The Norwegian in the 2 seat called for his $850. The one in the 5 seat called for another $530.
The 2 seat had a gutshot draw with 28o. The 5 seat had air.
The board?
Turn 8
River?
7.
We chopped the pot 3 ways.
TWO HANDS LATER
I have pocket 9s and call the $40 preflop raise with 2 others to see a flop.
I tell the dealer, "Flop a 9 and I'll give you $20."
He did.
The flop is 9, 5, 2. I have top set and push all in for $1400.
The Norweigian in the 2 seat goes deep in the tank and then finally folds.
The 5 seat calls. He has 9-10 offsuit.
I win the pot... which would be the third biggest I'd win at this table tonight.
THIS GAME ONLY GOT BETTER!
Read Part 3 of "Busting Fehljiglop" on BadBlood on Poker. I've got part 4 after that.
You won't believe this game.